Do you ever feel like you are total bullshit?
I have had such a block when it comes to writing lately.
I sit down, fingers on keys, and I either experience a big, fat nothing or scramble for a few lines and think no one wants to read this crap.
I feel unrelatable right now.
I’ve been in this period of transformation.
I forgot how uncomfortable growth is.
I forgot how raw and insecure it could make you feel.
Let me back up a bit. I went through an enormous period of growth and transformation a couple of years ago, during an exceptionally painful part of my life. I think the pain of the growth was hidden amid the pain of my experiences. When I came out on the other side, there was relief disguised as the passing of time away from the traumas.
This time, there has been nothing to mask the pain of transformation. I have felt every second of remembering and shedding and evolving.
And it sucks.
I feel like the messy goo of the transitioning caterpillar right now.
I got to experience life as the butterfly, briefly. It was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I thought I had made it. Now I realize I was gifted that glimpse to help me keep going—eye on the prize kind of thing.