The lesson I learned…
Choose or lose.
Caught in the middle.
A love for both.
Neither requesting I choose a side.
But so many consequences.
For not choosing.
Guilt.
Sadness.
Panic.
Distress.
Turmoil.
A feeling of responsibility.
A new plus one.
Becoming the other half.
Choosing her over me.
Choosing him over me.
Alone.
The others chose.
One over the other.
They don’t have to suffer these consequences.
They can’t imagine how it feels.
To try to choose both.
Lies.
For good reason.
To protect.
Trying to keep it all straight.
Fumbling.
Slipping up.
Caught.
Pain.
So much pain.
Hearing, “no one has ever hurt me like you.”
Really?
Me, the one trying to make everyone happy?
Me, the one trying to keep her Mom and her Dad?
How can that be?
Major moments missed.
Words that cannot be taken back.
Time that cannot be relived.
So much sadness.
Heartbreak.
Not knowing that it wasn’t fair.
That I did nothing wrong.
Punishment.
For not choosing.
Irreparable damage done.
Not my choice.
But my price to pay.
Overcoming the lesson…
Choosing me.
And him.
And her.
And releasing the guilt.
And the responsibility.
Being the kid.
Who shouldn't have to choose between mother and father.
No more lies.
No more protection.
Not my problem.
No one wins.
But I no longer lose.
I choose me.
If only I’d known
that was a choice,
I would have done it sooner.
Until next time...
Michele
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