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You have been going through the motions for so long that you don’t really remember what true happiness feels like.

You have numbed your pain for so long that you didn’t realize it’s still there.

Mostly you see before you a life to get through.

You have your numbing agent of choice.

You keep yourself really busy. That helps. It makes the time go by. It keeps you from thinking too much.

On the rare occasion that you are not busy, there’s so much going on in your head that you can’t stand it. Or maybe, instead, there’s nothingness. Flat-out exhaustion. A big hole that you fill with more numbing.

Maybe it’s both.

Either way, standing still is torturous so you go, go, go. You fill your time and space with more, more, more, but nothing that requires you to put out too much of your energy. You’re living to survive, not to succeed.

You resist anything new and don’t get me started on something that is just for you because, quite frankly, you don’t have the time, energy, or inclination for that.

How could you possibly…?

Most days are a struggle.

You pass the time waiting for something…vacation, summer, your birthday, a trip, a promotion, a bonus, that’s going to make your life better.

Those things come and go, but they rarely do the trick, not for long anyway.

But sometimes it turns around. You have a good day, then another. You think, ok, this isn’t so bad and then, suddenly and without warning, you’re back there again. Survival mode.

You are stuck.

So, you just carry on, fairly disconnected, if you’re being honest with yourself.

One day and then the next.

You do what you need to do.

The days seem to bleed into each other.

Where does the time go?

Mostly, you are operating on autopilot.

Same shit, different day.

Usually, you are overwhelmed, exasperated, frustrated, and stressed.

That is your default setting.

But you have to keep going, right? One foot in front of the other. Fake it ’til you make it. At some point it’s got to get better than this, right?

If only…

But there is nothing. And then more of nothing.

You need it to stop.

Life this way.

You wish for peace.

Is a little bit of ease too much to ask for?

A little happiness while you’re at it?

Why are you cursed?

Why are you destined to live life this way?

What did you ever do to deserve this?

You need it to get better.

But, without intention, you resist.

You resist everything placed in your path that might help,

Because it’s easier to resist than the alternative.

To face it, whatever it is that has had you in this state for all this time.

You can’t handle more. You’re barely getting by now.

Why would you choose to face the shit you forgot was even there to begin with?

Is that what you really need?

You’ve gotten along just fine avoiding it all so far.

Haven’t you?

Years spent burying it, protecting it, and building a wall around it.

What good is facing it going to do now?

What difference is that going to make?

Won’t it make things worse?

It’s too hard to face it.

You are not strong enough.

You can’t do it.

And, truthfully, you can’t. Not yet anyway.

If you were able to, then you would.

But you will.

And it will change everything.

There are things that have to happen first.

This is going to be a one-step-at-a-time kind of thing.

You need to build up your strength, resilience, faith, and connection to yourself. You need to get in touch with that person deep inside.

You need to start living, really living.

But, for right now, all you need to do is answer a question…do I want to live the rest of my life this way?

Yes or no?

If you answered yes, then simply carry on. Nothing needs to change. No action is required on your part.

If you answered no, then get ready. You can do this and you don’t have to do it alone.

Do you see the hand reaching out to you in the dark? It’s there. It will always be there.

When you’re ready, grab hold.

It’s time for an adventure!

How does that feel?

You’ve just taken the first step on your journey. Revel in that for the moment.

There is so much more to come…

This is exciting!

Until next time…


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